Reality of Anxiety: Rejected
by Chilipop
Summary: Doumeki unconsciously fears rejection. Watanuki feels unwanted. The fallen angel must choose its next pray. Ch 4 Up. WARNING: mild lemon.
1. Part I: Nobody Likes Me

**Reality of Anxiety.  
Part I: LIKED**

**I.1. Nobody Likes Me**

"Go." Watanuki gently whispered to her. The pigtailed girl looked nervous.

"You should do what he says." Doumeki encouraged her.

"But… what if I…"

The bi-coloured boy smiled at her.

"You'll never know until you try. Remember what I said to that twin."

"I know that guy. He is the son of a famous shaman in Okinawa." The archer added.

"Yeah, that's right, he might have this jerk's ability. Besides, you've got Tanpopo!" His friend smiled.

Himawari tried to maintain her upbeat smile. As always, a random boy had confessed his love to her but this particular one had the nerve to do it in front of her raven haired friends. She expected the following reactions: Watanuki angrily spinning around and Doumeki's stoic, unchangeable face. However, the first one had given her a heart-warming smile and the second one, nodded.

"Please, go out with me." The man repeated once again.

The sweet girl's mouth opened and closed like a startled goldfish. She knew about the harm she could cause. That's why she always tried not to fall in love with someone… but she loved both Doumeki and Watanuki… which was so wrong.

"I'm… so…" She felt her lips spreading apart. "Yes, we can go on a date sometime."

She grabbed his hand and the lovesick blushed. Himawari wanted to test if he really was immune to her bad luck. When she turned over, her only true friends were out of sight. She smiled looking nowhere in particular.

"You'll never know until you try…" She whispered.

* * *

"I'm so happy for her."

"I thought you liked her." Doumeki stopped walking and looked at him, afraid that those words would have hurt his food supplier.

"I thought so, at first…"

The archer looked deeply into his eyes, demanding the pure and immaculate true.

"Yeah, I liked her, so what?"

They resumed walking.

"Nobody liked me, they all thought I was weird. But she was the only one that smiled at me. It didn't matter where she was, she would always approach me to ask me how I was going. She cared for me. I felt less lonely."

The taller boy remembered those words.

"_I will die alone"_

So, even after meeting her, he still felt alone.

"If you had really loved her, then you would have not felt alone." He thought aloud on purpose.

"I told you, big oaf, I felt less lonely! I liked her! And why do you think I felt alone? Most of all, how? Gee, you sure creep me out."

Less lonely meant loneliness was still there. To like is not the same as love. Those thoughts crossed over both boys' minds.

"Anyway, we should encourage her, right?"

Doumeki thought that 'right' sounded highly threatening.

"Yeah" he nodded.

They continued to walk forward along the 1st floor corridor towards nowhere special.

"…hey…" Watanuki asked shyly.

"What?"

"Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

They've know each other for a long time. However, none of them knew the past lives of the other one. Doumeki smiled on the inside. The seer was acknowledging him as a friend. The first and most obvious sign was when he thanked him. Now, he wanted to know more about him. Most of all, they were having a casual conversation. Shouting and Spatzing were fun and okay once in a while but he sometimes felt in the past that he needed to talk to him this way.

"Nope."

As always his answers were never made to satisfy. This time he did it on purpose. He wanted Watanuki to ask him more and awaken that curiousity. He felt that this way they would become closer and he would fulfill his promise: Not letting him die alone.

"Huh? Really?" He became amazed. Lots of girls chased him and, sure, there had to be at least one girl that he was attracted to. Perhaps he has never…

"Have you ever fallen in love?"

"Never."

Watanuki thought he was lying. Many people have even small crushes during their lifetimes. It was perfectly normal. '_What is he, an ameba!?_'

"That's impossible! I mean, you should have even had crushes!"

He felt ticklish sensations when Watanuki cooked specially for him or when he smiled. He wasn't sure if they were crushes. Plus, he didn't like dealing with complex feelings. Whenever Watanuki thanked him or smiled cutely at him, he would immediately try to brush that feeling off, by telling him that he was dropped on the head as a baby. It was easier dealing with more simple feelings. Deep inside, he was just scared of rejection.

"No."

"You're hopeless. I've had various crushes! Himawari was the longest crush of all! I don't have any crushes right now but I'll have one."

"Girlfriend?"

The shorter boy blushed.

"No… But I'll have one. A very pretty one!"

"So those are the kinds of girl you like?"

"Umm…, I really don't have a specific type." Watanuki looked closely at him. "I don't know why but you look like the kind of guy to marry someone who is the perfect lady: flower arrangement, always wearing a kimono, shy, excellent cook, cleans, delicate and beautiful. Like those women in TV."

"I believe I fit those qualities."

Both boys turned around. A girl with very short hair and determined eyes looked at them. They felt they knew her but could remember well.

"Um... well… sorry to interrupt you…"

Her attitude changed completely. She looked shy and fragile.

"I'm Mattaki Rie… Um… Doumeki-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"… Thanks for saving me… Even though I attacked you with a paperknife! …. When I woke up and regained consciousness, the first thing I saw was your face… you carried me, remember?"

'_Ah, so she's the girl who got possessed by the fallen angel_.' Watanuki thought.

"No problem."

"Wait."

Doumeki turned around as a signal that he was leaving and he was expecting the other boy to follow him. However, the latest shot him a glare that clearly read 'Couldn't-you-be-more-cold!' so, for his stomach's sake, he decided to stay.

"I… I like you."

'_Great, another Doumeki-fan! What's up with Watanuki fans, aren't there any, why always Doumeki, certainly I should get a bit of attention as well!_'

"Sorry."

"I won't take no for an answer."

'Woah, this girl sure is pushy. I wonder if Doumeki is used to dealing with girls like her.' Watanuki felt a little bit of both admiration and jealousy.

"I clean, I cook wonderfully, I'm quiet and reserved, never complain… I'm your type…"

"Don't get me wrong. I'm not a male chauvinist."

"Yeah, as if! You got me all day cooking and cleaning your place!" Rie dodged elegantly both thin arms that rose into the air and covered a 2m radio.

"But you're not a girl."

"But sometimes you make me feel like one!"

"So that's your view on girls. You're sure a male chauvinist."

"Ehhh! I dare you to repeat that again!"

Rie stared at both of them. She remembered that the boy who was shouting at 100 dB was looking at her during the festival before she fainted.

"I don't mind cooking and cleaning, it's perfectly normal for me!"

She remembered he looked at her with a strange glance.

"If so, clean my place and make inari sushi."

At first, she thought he stared out of curiosity or even, he despised her due to what she had done to that man who did not apologize to her.

"Hell, no! Do it yourself!"

But now that her mind's getting cleared, she also remembered that guy looked at her during school day.

"So you do mind. You are a chauvinist."

Perhaps…

"Gr…Grahhhhh! I don't mind as long as it is not for you!"

Perhaps…

"For Kohane, Himawari and Yuuko-san?"

She was pretty sure that maybe…

"Of course! But not for you!"

The boy with glasses had a crush on her.

"They're all women and you don't mind. I'm a man and you mind. Typically chauvinistic."

She knew that boy stared at her but she didn't care because she thought it would not harm her.

"EVEN IF YOU WERE A WOMAN I'D NEVER DO THAT FOR YOU! And you, a man? You're a lazy bump! You're just… just a DOUMEKI for God's sake! A DOUMEKI! A DOUMEKI-!!!!"

"I'm sorry!" Rie interrupted, looking at Watanuki.

"Huh?"

Rie felt inside a love triangle. Watanuki liked her, she liked Doumeki and it'd be complete if Doumeki loved Watanuki, which, in her opinion, was pretty stupid but would make a perfect triangle.

"Ah! Rie-chan!" Her girlfriends approached her and looked at Doumeki. "Oh, you're a lucky girl!"

"Eh?" She blushed, smiling.

"He really was a like a prince out of the fairy tale! We found you unconscious, being embraced by his strong arms! You looked so delicate and he looked so brave… he saved you!"

Watanuki's mouth opened on his own to say something but decided to leave it at that. After all, every day was **'Ignore Watanuki Day'** and Doumeki got all of the credit.

"His hand was bleeding…" The girl continued, very enthusiastic "… since you attacked him, but he did not take a step back and saved you!"

'_What about me? I was there!'_ the bicoloured eyed teen thought.

The bell rang.

"Anyway, you two were made for each other!"

Rie blushed. She had a shy expression. When Watanuki looked at her, she gave him an apologetic look.

* * *

"I'm glad that girl is ok. I was afraid she would stay comatose forever."

Since Yuuko was not in the shop, Watanuki decided to stay there and look after it. "Yeah."

"She really seems to like you."

"Yeah."

He knew that when Yuuko came back, she'd make him clean the mess and having to clean a place that was left abandoned for a week… and on top of that huge… and on top of that serving alcohol… and dinner… and…

"Oi. You're making weird faces."

"So! It's not your problem!"

"Everyone's watching."

Watanuki blushed and decided to concentrate on another thing.

"That girl really seems to like you." He repeated.

"Does it matter to you?"

"Of course it does since someone would bring you bentos. Besides, you'll leave me alone at last!"

"You want me to leave you alone?"

"Of course I wa-"

'_What's happening?_' Watanuki thought. '_I'm feeling something strange in my chest… somehow my body feels colder. Why am I getting a chill down my spine?_'

"Oi. You okay?"

"Why can't you speak properly, at least say 'ARE you okay?' Gees, you drive me-"

"…Insane."

He turned around and saw a group of girls chatting, wearing gray uniforms with a red bowtie. In the middle, there was a pretty teen with brown, straight hair.

"I feel like I've become insane. Those spirits… they've never left me alone. They keep telling me I'm their salvation… I'm… I'm going insane…"

"You should pay a visit to the temple. They say the late priest's grandson is an exorcist. And he's good looking as well."

"You...you're right. Maybe I need that kind of help."

"We'll go with you, Nise-chan."

"Yes, let's head towards the temple now."

Nise, the girl that Watanuki met the first day he encountered Yuuko, covered her head with her hands and started to scream.

"Nise!"

Both teens approached the girl, at different speed intervals, i.e one running, and the other walking calmly.

"Please, calm down." Watanuki begged. "There's nothing behind you or possessing you right now. I'm very sure of that so please, calm down. You're safe now."

"It's you! You said those things to her before. You can't understand her pain, she's special! Stop bothering her! Most people don't believe her! You can't imagine how hard is for her to deal with those things!"

Watanuki heard a chuckle.

Which came from behind.

Which belonged to a male voice.

And the only male there apart from him was Doumeki.

Doumeki had chuckled. And the girls were not pleased.

"Who laughed at her?" The nosy girls asked.

Watanuki flailed around, unsure what to do to get the jerk out of that mess.

"Eh… he remembered a… a… a Chuck Norris joke I told him!"

"Chuck Norris jokes aren't funny."

"… Well, he thinks they are. I told him 'Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead' " He laughed nervously. '_Bad choice!'_ he thought and sighed.

"You chuckled! Stop pretending!" One of the girls shouted.

"Eh! Umm…"

"I chuckled." Doumeki said.

"You're such a gentleman. Taking blame for others..." Another girl added. She looked lovestruck.

Watanuki sweatdropped. As always, he was ignored. Doumeki always got the credit.

"Anyway, we're going to see the priest's grandchild. Let's go Nise-chan. Nise-chan?"

Said girl stared at Doumeki with troubled eyes and left.

'_With the twins… Rie… even Yuuko… they all like Doumeki more than me…_'

The taller boy looked at the seer, who was engulfed in a gloomy atmosphere.

"Let's go."

'_Doumeki. Doumeki. Doumeki. Just Doumeki this, Doumeki that.'_

"…"

'_Doumeki, the good student. Doumeki, the most handsome guy. Doumeki, the top athlete. Doumeki, the powerful exorcist. Doumeki, the knowledgeable. Doumeki, loved by others. Doumeki, the_-'

"Oi. Are you okay."

"I… I want to go home."

"I'll go with you."

"… I want to go home… alone… the spirits have stopped following me so… I… I don't need your help."

He was right. He wasn't' sure if he could say that his wish was granted but it looked like it.

'_Doumeki… he protected me… because he was a show off and would do that for anyone! And if not like if he cared about me… he was always being called by Yuuko! He even said me 'Yuuko called me'! **He did all those things for me because Yuuko asked him**!_'

"…and… I don't want to see you. Good bye!" Watanuki ran as fast as he could. When he reached the door of his apartment, he turned around, secretly hoping that Doumeki had run after him. However he wasn't there.

'_Because Yuuko is not here and he doesn't need to.'_

He opened the door and closed it before he collapsed on the floor, crying. He felt so confused.

"Nobody likes me, they all think I'm weird."

* * *

**A.N**: Rei is the girl that appeared in episode 13: Fallen.


	2. Part I: He Does not Like Me

_Thanks to CrazyDreamin and PsychoB for the reviews! I planned to start writing this chapter the following week but their reviews encouraged me to start it right after I read them. I dedicate this chapter to you, thanks again guys._

_

* * *

  
_

**Reality of Anxiety.  
Part I: LIKED**

**I.2. He Does not Like Me  
**

_'Doumeki, Doumeki, Doumeki.'_

_'Doumeki this, Doumeki that, Doumeki my ass!'_

_'Doumeki saves me because Yuuko tells him to.'_

_'He doesn't care about me.'_

_'Why should I even care about him!'_

_'He uses me.'_

_'He'll throw me away.'_

_'He doesn't need me.'_

_'He thinks I'm annoying.'_

_'He'll… he'll leave me alone.'_

* * *

Watanuki was running away. Doumeki was ready to chase him but his legs did not respond. Neither his body nor his own will. He felt numb, paralyzed in the middle of the street. Strangely, he felt safe there, away from him. Safe but incomplete. He decided to return to the temple.

"Excuse me… is Doumeki-kun here?"

He knew that girl would be coming soon.

"Are you Doumeki-kun?"

He nodded.

"I… I need help…"

What would the idiot have done if he had rejected the girl? He'd surely shout at him, call him an insensitive bastard and help her.

"I… I see ghosts… and spirits… they never leave me alone… would… could… would you exorcise them? Please?"

Doumeki wasn't in a very good mood today. And the girl's speech made his mood even worse. He became angry. She had no idea of Watanuki's suffering and she dared to say that she saw spirits.

"Please…"

"No."

'_You big oaf! How dare you treat her like that! Don't worry, we'll find a way out._' said a voice in his head that was not his but felt that it belonged there.

"It is Watanuki the one that solves this kind of problems."

"Watanuki? Who is him? Tell me!"

Since he did not want to lose his precious self control, he decided to close the door.

"Please, help me! My parents hate me, I have no real friends, I suffer all day long, please, help me! They're coming!"

This was Watanuki's job, not his.

He sighed.

Maybe tomorrow said boy would pretend that nothing happened.

* * *

'_Doumeki, the drinker. Doumeki, the glutton. Doumeki, the arrogant. Doumeki, the handsome archer._'

P.E was over. The essence of cold water and sweaty bodies filled the air. In the middle of all stood the figure of a pale, slender boy, taking a shower. His gaze was gloomy and he stared at the floor. His raven, silky hair covered his bicoloured eyes. He looked angst, yet full of elegance and natural beauty.

_'He's manlier and more masculine than me. Girl loves him.'_

His flat belly and torso were made up of only the necessary muscles. He didn't have what other guys called a 'sick pack' and that made him feel inferior. To make matters worse, he had no body hair. Well he had but even his pubic hair had the same size of the ones he found on his hand, which basically was no hair at all.

_'I know I've reached puberty… and this is as manly as I can get…'_

He felt people staring at him and a bright light. He didn't care. He just felt depressed.

'I can't see spirits anymore. He doesn't need me neither I need him. Why should I care?'

* * *

"Um… hey, Doumeki-kun."

Today was 'next day' and Watanuki had avoided him during P.E class. Without him, he felt so empty. The Rie girl who believed he had saved her stood before her. Why was she there instead of Watanuki?

"I… I need a suggestion. Well, my-"

"I'm not good for that. Watanuki is."

Watanuki. April 1st. That name, that word, that guy had invaded his mind during the whole day. Himawari's case. Kohane's case. The twins. It had been Watanuki who had made them happier. Watanuki had made him happier.

"But… could you-"

He didn't care; he wanted to talk to him, to make that idiot explain why he was behaving that way. His legs stop responding. It took all of his will to make them move.

After all, only his body knew what he unconsciously felt. Fear. He feared that out of desperation he blurted something he shouldn't say. His psyche knew what was best for him: to stop this obsession. Meeting him caused the archer emotional problems: he constantly feared that Watanuki would be dragged away by spirits and never come back; he became slightly paranoid when he was near Himawari and dreaded the day when his true feelings reached the object of his affections.

He searched everywhere. Classes had ended a while ago, however, he had a hunch that Watanuki was still in school.

No matter where he searched, Watanuki wasn't there. He decided to take a break and go to the bathroom. He heard water still running and decided to turn off whatever valve was causing it. There he found the seer: naked, looking down and crying. A beautiful, yet sad sight. He heard him mutter '_Doumeki… I don't want him to leave me… I know he will… Please…'._

"…Watanuki." He carefully said his name.

Watanuki lifted his head and looked at him, surprised.

Before he could breathe a sigh of relief, Doumeki fell to the ground. The last thing he saw before he passed out was Watanuki blushing deep crimson and soaps, shampoo bottles, towels and a backpack being thrown at him at an incredible speed.

"**YOU PERVERT!**"


	3. Part I: They Like Me

_**Bold **means flashback_

* * *

**Reality of Anxiety.  
Part I: LIKED**

**I.3. They Like Me  
**

"Watanuki-kun!"

The pigtailed girl ran towards him, smiling as she always did.

"Himawari-chaaan!" He greeted her.

"How was your date?"

"It didn't go too well… but I tried." She smiled once again. Watanuki wanted to let out a relief sigh but his mind told him that Himawari had to move on.

"What happened?"

"I decided to leave early. I had piano classes."

Watanuki wasn't smiling. He wore a serious expression, the same one he acquired when he spoke to the lady who could not taste her own food.

The girl's eyes opened in surprise: Watanuki was scolding her.

"You should stop making up excuses."

"I…"

She stared at her feet. Tanpopo chirped.

"You… you're right. It's difficult since-"

"-people might get hurt. But that was long ago since you have Tanpopo with you, Himawari-chan." He smiled at her. "I'll go ahead, I need to get the ingredients ready for Home Ec."

"Hey, Watanuki-kun." Said boy stopped walking and turned around, facing his friend and old crush.

"Thank you."

Himawari's smile was pure and honest. He was sure that if he had seen that smile before he would have fainted and entered a comatose state. He felt happy for her. So happy that he didn't notice where he was walking and bumped into another guy.

"Watanuki-kun, are you okay?" Himawari asked him.

"Ouch! ... Yeah, I'm fine… I'm sorry." Watanuki apologized to the other student.

"N-n-no problem!" The student's face turned a deep shade of red. "B-bye!" He ran off, leaving him more than just confused.

"Um… Watanuki-kun?" He looked at Himawari's direction. Next to her stood a tall, slightly fat but heavily muscled guy with very little hair and large mouth. He looked like a typical school bully. "He said he was looking for you… I wanted to… but he… he saw you before I…" She knew there was no use apologizing now . "Anyway, there he is!" She forced a smile since there was nothing she could do at the moment.

The tough guy slowly approached Watanuki without breaking eye contact. 'What have I done? Why is he looking at me! Oh-no-no-no-no! He's getting near… Where's the jerk when I need him? Well, he repels spirits but I doubt he'd repel him but still… Whoa! Why am I talking to myself ? I wonder if I'm saying this out loud. I'll protect Himawari-chan!'

"I'm all right, you are the one in danger." She sounded worried.

'Crap! Was I thinking aloud?'

"Yes." Himawari giggled. The distraction was erased when he felt the other guy getting nearer.

Every step taken by the tough student was complemented by Watanuki taking a step backwards until he bumped into a wall. He felt cornered. The guy's gaze was dead serious and he raised his fist. The shorter boy closed his eyes and decided to relax. He knew that Doumeki would come for him, no matter what.

He was right. Doumeki was there, running towards him. However, the archer arrived too late. The tough guy extended his palm, revealing a crushed flower that looked like if it had been forcefully pulled out of a random garden. Doumeki stopped dead on the track, tripped over and hit the lockers. Unfortunately, Watanuki was too dumbfounded to have noticed that.

The large student's cheeks turned red but he kept extending his palm, signaling the shorter boy to take the flower, which he did.

"Um… thanks…" Watanuki's cheeks turned pink. He was still confused but nonetheless felt flattered.

"C..C..Cu..CUTE!" The large guy squeaked and went away. A couple of girls who were chatting nearby laughed at him. Others were more discrete and decided to just giggle.

"He's obviously trying to fuck him. I mean, who wouldn't?"

The trio turned around and saw two guys who blushed at the embarrassment of being heard. Obviously, they fled. Watanuki noticed that the two of them winked at him.

"What's going on?" Doumeki's monotonous tone was slightly offbeat.

* * *

**"YOU PERVERT!!!!"**

**Doumeki recovered quickly, even if his head hurt.**

**"TURN AROUND! I'm going to get dressed."**

**He did as he was told and waited.**

**"I'm ready. Now, what do you want!?"**

**Doumeki wondered how long he had been naked.**

**"I'm not leaving you. Never."**

**Watanuki blushed.**

**"W…what?"**

**Doumeki might be calm and easygoing but he knew he sucked when expressing his emotions. He felt embarrassment as any other person did. **

**"What I said." He wasn't repeating that again.**

**"And who said I wanted you to be next to me? It'd be better if you just left me alone! That'd give me the peace I want."**

**"Wa-" Doumeki got interrupted.**

**"It's always you, you, you. Doumeki the hero, Doumeki the star, Doumeki the chick magnet, Doumeki this, Doumeki, that…"**

**"-Ta-"**

**"People like you! People admire you! They want to be near you! Everyone!"**

**"-Nu-"**

**"Even so, I don't like you and you always hang around me. What do you want? Me loving you as everyone do? My admiration? My respects?" **

**"Ki."**

**"Why? Why? WHY?! Why are you following me!? You annoy me, you- HEY!"**

**Doumeki embraced him.**

**"LET ME GO! LET ME GO, YOU JERK!"**

**"…'_Everyone_' will '_love_' me and '_admire_' me as long as I fulfill their desires, not because of who I am. Himawari, Yuuko, Kohane. They love you." He told him. "You're special to them."**

**Watanuki's eyes opened wide. How could he have forgotten about them? He loved them and they loved him. Besides…**

**"You're special to me..." They both whispered at unison. **

**"..._Idiot_" Both thought at the same time.**

**Both decided not to break the embrace, not only because it felt warm and cozy but they wanted to hide their blushing cheeks. However, when Doumeki's mobile phone started to ring, their bodies separated. **

**"Sorry. Yeah, it was urgent. I'll be there in five minutes."**

**"That's right! You have archery practice today!" Watanuki felt guilty since the thought of Doumeki skipping archery for him made him smile. After all, he had gotten mad over a little incident and began thinking stupid stuff. Even so, Doumeki had been there, wasting his time on making the angst, typical 'nobody-loves-me' teenage thoughts leave his head.**

**"You should go to the first aid room. You had been standing there, naked for more than an hour. "**

**"Okay, I'll go." He replied, grumping. **

**"Did anyone see you?"**

**"I don't remember… I just saw a couple of lights but that's all."**

**

* * *

  
**

"Doumeki…" Watanuki stared at the archer. "Those lights… they were taking photos."


	4. Part I: He likes me too much

**Reality of Anxiety.  
Part I: LIKED**

**I.4. He likes me too much...  
**

_"**umm… Watanuki-kun?"**_

_**Watanuki was yelling at a tall, though guy who looked like a school bully. Doumeki stared at him with a slightly noticeable sweat drop. **_

_"**Doumeki-kun… What happened?"**_

_"**He touched a Cupid's Arrow, then looked at the guy in front of him and there you have it."**_

_"**But isn't it supposed to…"**_

_"**He's an idiot. Don't overthink it."**_

_**You bastard, baldy, ugly, egoist, poser! I hate you, hate you! ****Watanuki screamed and screamed, flailing around at the same time. The though guy, who at first wanted to beat the crap out of him, had his tail between his legs, apologizing to him. **__**Arrogant bastard, go away dammit!**_

Rumours only last 75 days, Doumeki-kun said once when they spoke about Kohane-chan. Well, today was the 14th day after the rumour and if one observed the two of them, they would think that the rumour was about the taller guy. Whenever I asked what was wrong with him, he'd just shrug and state that he didn't know either, but it bugged him.

Luckily, the photo incident wasn't that much of a scandal. In fact, it wasn't even a scandal. It seems that the guy who took it had a crush on Watanuki-kun. I don't blame him, Watanuki-kun is cute. Many girls think so too but they also say that he's too cute and should be manlier. I remember I asked Doumeki-kun once if he thought he was cute but he grunted. Some minutes passed by until I heard him mutter _this isn't the way it is supposed to be…_ I wonder what he meant by that.

The guy that took the photo apparently wanted to keep the picture for himself. However, some guys accidentally saw it but would not dare say anything. The guy who took the photo was the same one that approached Watanuki-kun with a crushed flower. Cute but… somehow creepy at the same time. I know I shouldn't… but I can't help but giggle when I see some guys blushing whenever they see Watanuki-kun. I mean, it's hard for you to face someone after you've seem they naked and they're actually not that bad looking. It doesn't mean you have a crush on them but you just can't deny how attractive they are or that you saw something you shouldn't have. For example, I-

"Himawari-chan?"

"Umm… I'm sorry. I was daydreaming."

"No, no, no! Don't worry about it! You can daydream as long as you want!" Watanuki-kun is so funny.

"Idiot."

"Quit it, one-man-word!" Doumeki-kun is so down-to-earth. It doesn't take a genius to understand why they complement each other perfectly. They're just great. I love hanging out with them!

"Hey, Himawari-chan…"

"Yeah?"

"Yesterday I saw… I mean… A guy approached you… the same one that gave me the creeps two weeks ago. He looked like if he was asking you something you didn't want to answer."

"Guess what? I found out he is the one that took the photo and it's secretly keeping it!" I smiled. Even if that sounded sick.

"At least it's not being circulated. Phew."

"No one would want to see a naked skeleton; there are already 3 in the lab."

"Who're you calling a skeleton!? I bet you aren't that muscular!"

"Maybe the guy has very low scores in science so he needs a reference."

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME!?"

I couldn't help but giggle. A lot. It's a shame that I had to interrupt their comedy routine.

"A friend of mine told me there are a few guys who accidentally saw the photo." Watanuki-kun squeaked in panic. He looked so funny. "However, they're keeping quiet about it."

"That's nice of them." Watanuki-kun smiled. I swallowed a snicker.

"They're being threatened, idiot." Watanuki-kun sure is clumsy. He is sometimes so naïve that Doumeki has to set him in place.

"Why don't we try and steal the photo? I'll try my best." I don't what that sicko to start stalking one of my best friends. Those harsh feelings were covered by a smile.

"Yeah, let's get the photo!" Watanuki-kun fired up.

"Don't expect too much. You're going to find arrows and words in the photo like _Clavicle, ribs, sternum, thoracic vertebrae, ulna, radius_-"

"That's it! I'm gonna beat you up, Doumeki!"

"You're so funny when you pretend to argue!" Have I mentioned before how I love being with them?

"Himawari-chan! That's not true, I hate this guy!"

Watanuki-kun is so naïve. Lately, he's been all day and night with Doumeki, either in Yuuko's shop or in the temple. And the taste of his bentos have deepened a lot in both flavour and decorations. Even I can sense that and my taste buds aren't that developed. It's like if he has become happier.

"Himawari-chan. How do you know about that?"

"Huh?" Watanuki-kun can't read minds, can't he?

"You know, the guy keeping the photo and so on."

Phew. If he knew what I just thought, he'd get defensive. Well, that's a part of him as well.

"I accidentally saw the photo as well and he noticed. However, he asked me lots of questions about you and-"

"YOU SAW THE PHOTO!!! KYAAA!!!" Watanuki squealed and spun around like a wheel.

The photo… well… Watanuki-kun being naked…

I thought it'd turn me on.

But it didn't.

He looked so delicate, so fragile and smooth. His already long eyelashes where highlighted by the water, making them look even longer and curlier. His body, covered by droplets of water, was slim and pearly, even his long legs looked perfect. I noticed he had slightly wide hips, not like a girl but definitely not like a guy and his hair was so silky and he looked so pretty…

It didn't turn me on.

It made me jealous.

"Don't worry, Watanuki-kun. You were the prettiest skeleton I've seen in my entire life."

Watanuki dropped to the floor. I'm so sorry, Watanuki-kun, you looked so pretty but I really want to hear Doumeki's comeback to that.

"And the most accurate."

"YOU CALL THAT A COMPLIMENT!? NO FOOD FOR YOU!"

"Let's make a plan. I'll distract him while you two try to get the photo."

"NO! That's dangerous, Himawari-chan. I'll do it. Since he likes me, maybe I could lure him to a place far from the lockers so you can take your time."

Watanuki-kun… is really stupid.

"You realize that you plan to be alone with a guy who keeps your nude photo." Doumeki-kun thinks so too.

"I'll be fine! He likes me, so he won't hurt me." He smiled.

Doumeki's 'I-give-up-you-are-hopeless' exasperated expression was amusing. He thought Watanuki-kun was both stupid and annoying, he always tells me that. Still, he continues to be by his side. Kohane told me about the rainy day. Pity maybe? That can't be. Doumeki-kun looks happier when Watanuki-kun is around, like if he spiced up his life. _This isn't the way it is supposed to be…_ He looked so sad when he told me that.

"No."

"No!?"

"No."

"Can't you explain yourself!?"

"No."

"Hey." I interrupted them. "Let's brake into the school late at night."

"Himawari-chan is so intelligent!"

Watanuki-kun might be stupid but he's extremely sweet. You can't be in a bad mood when you're around him. Tanpopo chirped.

"Which locker?"

"I'll get the number. How about meeting here at 9pm?"

"Hn."

"What about if things do not work?" Watanuki-kun asked. "Or if he casts me a spell and I fall in love with him. I'd be doomed!"

_It'd be that guy's doom_, I though, giggling while remembering my dream.


	5. Part I: He likes him, not me

**Reality of Anxiety.  
Part I: LIKED**

**I.5. He Likes HIM, not ME.  
**

'_I'm sorry'_

That was the message Doumeki found when he decided to enter the storage room and check a book. That simple word, 'gomenasai', was written beautifully, in ancient Japanese and in an old scroll. He recognized that style. He picked it up and tried to figure out where did it come from, maybe from a book or some old letters…

* * *

**[[**"Haruka-san."

"Good afternoon, Watanuki-kun. Are you taking a nap?"

Watanuki sat next to his friend's grandfather. He was used to seeing him during the night but this time was different. A trickle of sunlight replaced the moonlight and coloured clouds covered the sky instead of the bright stars.

"Yeah, I'm going to break into the school at night so I thought I should rest."

"Hm? Breaking into the school? Why?" He asked, smiling.

Watanuki always thought Doumeki's grandfather was handsome and had a sensuous smile. He enjoyed his company and knew that he could trust him."

"Well, there's this guy who… umm… this is embarrassing…"

"Go on." The priest encouraged him.

"Okay… sorry… he took me I mean he argghh this is hard he… I can't say it!"**]]**

**

* * *

  
**

"You're late." Doumeki scolded him with that stoic face of his. Himawari has next to him. Watanuki noticed that there was a hint of black smoke emerging from hands. He had to much trouble in his mind to ask her or even question it.

"Watanuki-kun, are you okay? You look so pale and scared…"

"I… I can't do it…"

He wasn't feeling well and he had the feeling it had something to do with Haruka-san. Plus, Doumeki was here which made him extremely uneasy since he was his look-alike.

For a couple of seconds, he swore that Himawari's face had a gloomy expression. Maybe it was his imagination. Either way he didn't care, he came here just to tell them he couldn't break into the school today. In times like this, he wished he had a mobile phone. Anyway, he knew he couldn't complain since the landlady gave him an apartment and the insurance policy covered educational fees and gave him a monthly, although little, income.

"It's okay, let's try tomorrow!" She smiled. This time the amount of smoke around her hands doubled.

"Tomorrow starts golden week (1). I'm sure he'll take the photo home." Doumeki noticed that his friend was avoiding his stare and always faced the opposite direction.

"Please… I can't…" He wasn't feeling well.

Emotionally well.

He really would have wanted to stay home. He just couldn't do it. He imagined his two friends freezing in front of the school gates, waiting for him. Besides, he couldn't remember why he felt so uneasy and uncomfortable so he had no real excuse.

"Okay."

"Huh?" He looked at Doumeki and then drew his gaze away. He wanted to know why his body seemed to move on its own. He didn't recall anything weird or important that happened with Doumeki after he got home.

"Go home. You too, Kunogi-san, if you want to."

"I can't. I managed to get the keys. I want to help Watanuki-kun." The smoke doubled once again.

"I…" he spoke, still avoiding eye contact with Doumeki. "…I should go. I must go. I will go! It's my photo dammit! I'll do three things: I'm gonna beat that guy! And then I'm gonna kick him! Finally… I'm gonna beat that guy! Let's go."

"No."

Again the one-word-man caught his attention.

"Now that I think about it, you shouldn't go."

"Why?"

"Go home."

"Hey! Don't order me around!" Despite being annoyed, he felt his heart pulse increase and a strange sensation in his stomach.

"Key."

"Here." Himawari handed him the key, also covered in smoke which didn't seem to dissipate in Doumeki's hands.

"I'll go! It's my problem! Not yours, Doumeki!"

"Go home!" He screamed.

Watanuki flinched. He hadn't seen Doumeki angry since the eye incident. Doumeki sighed and try to regain his balance.

"Who knows what else is in there…" He talked to himself, enough to be heard by the two other teens.

* * *

**[[**Haruka always thought Watanuki was irresistibly cute. He loved when the boy wore a Yukata since he could take a look at those long, pretty legs and his chest. However, he was old and experienced, thus he knew how to control his urges. When they spoke, he would always look at the front, as if he was lost in thought.

"… I was naked and he took a photo."

"Lucky bastard."

"What?" _'Haruka-san couldn't have whispered that!'_

"What what?" He pretended.

"Umm… nothing."

"What about my grandson? Is he doing well?"

"Oh… oh… yes, something embarrassing happened too. I was feeling down and everything and… Doumeki hugged me." His ears turned pink.

"Did he say anything?"

"He told me that there's people who love me for who I am like Himawari-chan, Kohane-chan and Yuuko-san."

"What about him?"

"He… he didn't say anything. We just stayed there for hours. But then his phone rang and I remembered that I was naked and-"

Haruka's eyes widened.

"Naked?"

"I-T-T..IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK! We weren't doing… THAT… you know…"

"What's 'that'? I don't get it."

'_Gee, Haruka-san asks so many questions.'_

"YOU KNOW! The… Wait… I know how a guy and a girl do it but two guys?"

"Are you a virgin, Watanuki-kun?"

"WH-Wh-WHAT WAS THAT!?"

Haruka smiled and dropped his cigarette.

"As I imagined." He chuckled. Watanuki turned red.

"There's nothing wrong with that!"

"The age of consent is 13-…"

"That's too-!"

"I know but that's the way it works in Japan."

Watanuki stared at the floor.

"I've been chased by evil spirits during my entire life. The first time I… you know… was this year-"

"I know what?"

"Haruka-san! Stop that! You know what I mean!" Watanuki went crimson.

"But I don't know what you mean." Haruka Doumeki faked an innocent smile. He knew Watanuki was very naïve.

"Umm… you promise you won't call me a pervert?"

"Yes."

"What I meant was… touching myself…"

Those words turned Haruka-on more than he already was. The wise man knew he had to stop there, otherwise he would lose control.

"…It was during a bath. I was-

Unfortunately, Haruka-san expected the boy to change the topic but he didn't. It seems that Watanuki trusted him… too much.

"…I just did it… and it felt good…" Watanuki was more than red. "But something about it was weird…"

"What was weird?" Haruka mentally kicked himself. He should have told him to stop. The words escaped his lips. He felt he was moving closer to the teen and he couldn't control it.

"I… please tell me the truth… Even if it hurts… I trust you so I'm telling you this…"

"What was weird?" Haruka was getting impatient.

"It was really weird… I don't know if it's normal or n-"

"What was weird?" Those words sounded a bit harsh. Watanuki was slightly taken aback.

"I… When I did that… I fingered myself.

The priest tried to regain his balance and self-control.

"…and I loved it..." He lowered his head in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.

That did it.

"Do you think I might be… umm… you know-HARUKA-SAN!"

"Please forgive me, Watanuki-kun."

Said boy was pinned to the ground, the older man grabbed his wrists and kneeled on his legs to prevent any movement.

He kissed his neck, and then bit it in a lustful way.

"When you're dead… you lose your life… you lose all sensations… but why? Why am I feeling so primal right now?" He thought aloud.

Watanuki felt colder and realized that his yukata had been ripped taken of in a fierce way.

"Haruka-san! Stop!" The teen plead, watching in horror as the old man kneeled between his legs and lifted them, positioning them in his broad shoulders. It seemed that he wasn't in the mood for foreplay.

"STOP IT! THIS IS WRONG! HARUKA-SAN STOP!" Haruka forced his fingers into Watanuki's mouth and caressed his tongue.

"My grandson is foolish. Why does he keep eating your food when you are the most delicious treat of all? He should devour you." The chief priest was smiling as he always did. Watanuki was freaked out. How could he smile so sweetly as he always did yet speak those dirty words. He struggled to free himself until he felt a weird but pleasing sensation.

His predator had inserted his already lubricated index finger in his victim's lovehole.

"Mmm… please… Haruka-san…" Haruka slapped his butt cheek, and then massaged it in a needy way. He enjoyed the smoothness of the pearly skin.

"'_I fingered myself and I loved it'_" Haruka told him, mockingly. "I know something that you'll love even more and I will kindly give it to you for free…Watanuki-kun." Again… that smile.

Watanuki, while suppressing his moans, could spot Haruka's erection, covered by his usual yukata. That face… so familiar… looking so horny like this… When he took a second glance at the priest's manhood, he felt his mouth salivating and his tongue getting wet. However, he lost sight of it when he felt a second finger. Still… that face…

He couldn't hold any longer.

"Umm… mmmmore… please…" Watanuki purred.

"Gladly" Haruka moved both fingers around, feeling his insides and scissoring him. He was ready to insert a third finger when…

"Mmm… Doummmeki… fuck me…" The seer's back arched.

No.

Haruka didn't want that. He wanted to hear HIS name, not his grandson's.

"…please… don't tease me… Doumeki… hurry up… take me…" Watanuki panted and his vision got blurrier.

'_I guess he'll never love me._

_And I guess my grandson will never forgive me.'_

Watanuki woke up. Scared and terrified.** ]]**

**

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**

**End of Part I.**


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